Reject to Riches? Hope on the Internet

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Curse of the Wanna-be Moguls

How many ads have I read that promise I can make a fortune overnight on the Internet?


Is it true?


At least not for me.

I've read dozens of newsletters and eBooks. I've applied what I've learned and built four websites. None of them are making money.

I've got two mini-sites which I've promoted with Pay Per Click advertising. PPC ain't cheap. One site, sells a gasoline catalyst that has lots of research to back up the claim that it helps get up to 35% better mileage. With gas up to three bucks a gallon, folks are anxious for relief, so obviously I've picked a hot product. But $500 worth of PPC hasn't gotten me one single customer. Is there a guru handy to explain this expensive failure on what you said would be a sure thing?

I also spent $300 to have this web site promoted by one of the gurus to the gurus. This Guru-Supreme has an email list of 500,000 people, all itching to buy! For a fee, he'll promote your product to his list. (Gee, doesn't that take away his credibility when he claims to never take advantage of his loyal customers by promoting stuff just to make a buck? "It has to be a really wonderful product," he insists.)

Every Internet marketing advisor says "the money is in the list," build a list of customers and you can shoot out one email and make a fortune. So what a great deal to be able to "borrow" Mr. Guru-Supreme's list for a measly 300 smacks. Since his ad copy is bound to be top-notch (all gurus are brilliant copywriters) I should get at least a 2% conversion. I'm splitting his list with nine other folks (no guru worth his salt would lend out his list for 300 piddly bucks, no way. This deal was for $3,000 so I chipped in with nine other wanna-be moguls.) My share of the pie is 50,000 loyal customers.

2% of 50,000 = 1,000.

A thousand new customers! Yipeeeeeee! It's time to order that gold-plated name plate for my office door. (All moguls have them.)

Well…Mr. Guru-Supreme wrote a dandy email promoting our gasoline catalyst and zapped it into cyberspace. I anxiously awaited the stats that would catapult me into moguldom and indicate soaring profits!

What? Was there a meltdown? Did the entire Internet crash due to a malicious virus?

Can you believe it? Not one of us would-be moguls got a new customer. Not ONE of the half-million suckers on his list bought the catalyst. Not ONE. Zero. Zip. Nadda.

That sucks.

Hey Mr. Guru, have you been lying to me or is it just that the Internet Gods hate me?